Wife and I have a thing, if one of us turns a light on the other will hiss like a vampire. Had to rein that in after we were alone in a lift when the doors opened to the bright afternoon sun and I instinctively hissed at the bewildered middle-aged woman stood waiting.

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At my local arts centre, you can pay £5 to sit and read in silence with other people. That used to be called a library and it was free. We are truly fucked as a society.

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Not so in my experience. You'll be relaxed, having left behind the journey and its delay possibilities, and you're done with security. Get there early, get airside and chill. There's no feeling like it. How often do you get a period of time where you literally have to do nothing?

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Kick Me In The Bollocks Until I Can Hit The High Notes In Take On Me It's 2:00AM

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Nope. In For Your Eyes Only he refuses Bibi's advances because he thinks she's too young. Scarcely Epstein-worthy behaviour.

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