Wife and I have a thing, if one of us turns a light on the other will hiss like a vampire. Had to rein that in after we were alone in a lift when the doors opened to the bright afternoon sun and I instinctively hissed at the bewildered middle-aged woman stood waiting.

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I retired today. My first project is to visit every tube station I've never used and have a meal at a nearby restaurant or café. First stop is Grange Hill, where I hope to eat a massive sausage.

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What a way to make a living…

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Uncle recently died. As a kid I thought he was quite a cool hippy type person. Just before his death he was saying that people in boat crossing the channel should be shot, plus other racist shite. The small inheritance I received gone straight to RNLI

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