I’m not asking

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Regretfully it's happened again. The boythoughts, like Palpatine, have returned 😔 It's kinda weird to grow a new set of levers to pull on my brain. I don't even know if it's arousal? It's a set of circumstances that are suddenly EXTREMELY COMPELLING for reasons out of my control.

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"Is this comphet?" NO. I AM UNDER ATTACK FROM WITHIN. THIS MAKES MY INTEGRATION INTO SOCIETY MORE COMPLICATED, NOT LESS. Nobody is forcing this on me EXCEPT estrogen and my own brain, who are tagteaming me like they're the Four Horseman and I'm whoever's getting the heat for Sting.

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The closest word I think I've found is Yearning. It's like...I don't feel the need to get off to this, there's just a weird sensation in me and the more I think about situations where a tall, strong boy is nice to be, the feeling gets stronger. I wish I had clarity. These are all new feelings.

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when trans people are posting about the NHS at the moment, please stop replying with “that’s not my experience in [different country]!”, it’s really not helping

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