Maybe he used some of that $50,000 in bribery-sting money to buy a bushel of beets.

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"If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture."

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The FIFA Peace Prize winner, everyone.

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The Canada goose in the image the White House just posted actually ended up beating the eagle pictured—which makes me sad, because I like to see eagles occasionally get wins—so here, in the interest of hot-blooded American patriotism, is an eagle effortlessly defeating a chicken

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