Here are some more wild speculations. A former firefighter who was fired and has been plotting their revenge. A former soldier who has had a psychotic breakdown. A RWNJ who just learned that the fire department is a socialist taxpayer funded organization.

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The singular bright light in politics right now is the handful of people who aren’t in their 70s doing some real basic ‘good person’ stuff and just clowning the fuck out of anyone who tries to gatekeep them on social. Politics is supposed to be about character. This is what it looks like.

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About a thousand people applied for some of these new Onion jobs and fellowships. If you didn't get the fellowship this summer, your packet was probably really good or great. (Except for ~two of them, which were brain poison.) Keep writing jokes. It's good for everybody. Next round in 6 months.

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Seriously, the competition for the fellowship was a real rockfight this year. There are some real funny people in this country who are capable of writing some good-ass Onion headlines. Whittling it down to a couple of people was a bloodbath. Please keep writing and applying.

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You should change your handle, you absolute asshole.

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