I’m old enough to remember his summer book tour, where he claimed his Christian faith had humbled him and vowing that he will lead with love and kindness.

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me: I broke my mouse! I have no idea how my husband: were you walking around with the mouse balanced on your laptop and it slid off and hit the floor and split into pieces? me: ...well yes, that did happen again but this time I put it back together and it's not working anymore and I have no idea why

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it’s so rude that bread costs like 10 cents and 45 seconds of effort to make but you need to know you’re gonna want it at least 3 hours beforehand

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my pal @mariadsouza.bsky.social got me into swimming laps and babes, let me tell you, there is something so joyful about waking up, having a cup of coffee, eating a banana, riding my little bike to the pool, swimming around for 30 minutes, and drying off in the breeze on the ride home.

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Last month I caught a fishhook to the shoulder and so I hit a tetanus/diphtheria/pertussis vaccine. Friday I got this year’s influenza and COVID boosters. Today my doctor gave me a pneumococcal vaccine bc I have asthma. Now I’m invincible. it’s time for me to find RFK, Jr and bite him

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