This is what restaurant signs are supposed to look like

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There's a lot of chubby kids named Steve Jr walking around town, mocking me

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(squinty eyes) Did Fat Steve write this?

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The thing that really kills me about this is that "in our town" like that is something you only say if your town probably has fewer than 53 women in it

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When I was a tween I put myself on the email list of a pickup artist because I was scared I'd be unpopular, but then one of his articles was about how to cheat, and I was so incensed that I wrote him an email that started with "I used to respect you."

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