I regret to inform everyone that, I, too, did not receive a Nobel Peace Prize for accomplishments that exist only in my imagination. I ask for grace and understanding during this difficult time.

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Don’t get complacent. They’re still going to try to cheat. Check your registration. Vote early if at all possible.

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Hey, Americans! Here’s a dark, ominous black-and-white advertisement showing your wildly unpopular president slowly waking along a hallway while scowling at you. It says nothing about the problems you’re facing. And you paid for the ad! Please definitely go vote Republican. You’re welcome!!

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Anyone else just tired? It’s constant shenanigans from this administration, and our mental health has taken such a beating. We just wanted to say that if you’re feeling the same way, we understand. We’re here with you and for you. It’s a lot.

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One thing that makes me profoundly sad when I think about 9/11: We largely saw the best of America for a while after the towers fell. The “rally around the flag” effect was real.

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