Still mildly shocked there are workplaces where staff have to buy their own milk

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A civilised employer supplies coffee and milk.

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I’m no Trump fan but it’s not fair/necessary for his physician to reveal that the President has what most closely resembles a custom-built mobile bathtub that’s “just for diarrhea” and that the secret service are responsible for making sure he’s “never more than 30 feet from it.”

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Detergent is great, but no good at deterring ladies

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Well, it was the burglar's fault, in a way.

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