I never really liked the old truism "the subs actually control the scene" because, ultimately, all parties should share equally in creating the scene, and all parties should equally possess the ability to stop one. Any baseline other than equality introduces a serious potential for exploitation.

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BUT ALSO I think submissives shouldn't approach D/s out of selfishness either, and my experience with subs who see Dom(me)s as kink dispensers showed me how much harm that can cause. I think you should always aim to do kink *with* someone, as something collaborative and mutually fulfilling.

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NEW: NHS England know the harm they are doing to trans patients. Their internal assessment reportedly warns of corridor care, treatment delays, outing, discrimination and healthcare avoidance being among the risks identified from their new policy www.theguardian.com/society/2026...

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trans people have existed for longer than doctors have

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when you're worried you're standing a bit clocky

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