there's a certain personality that's very debilitating in modern life. 100 years ago, if you wanted to buy something, you'd go to five local shops and decide. now with the internet, you need to spend 1,000 hours so you can own the best version in the world like you're some venetian patrician

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can you imagine sitting in that audience as a three-star flag officer — decades in the service, multiple post-grad degrees and a virtually unequaled level of command expertise — and being forced to watch this dunderheaded dry drunk give an off-brand jordan belfort seminar?

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I bought a bunch of peaches at Lidl five days ago and they have not ripened an iota. A bowl of butt emojis with the firmness of ping pong balls sitting uselessly on my counter forever.

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Which just further proves that they’ve never been in the same zip code as sex. “He’s like a sex matador. I get all worked up and charge at him and he completely sidesteps me and my vagjna”

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I don't think someone spending their Wednesday arguing with a SW about Soviet foreign policy in 1939 is a gooner, but you gotta test the water in emerging markets sometime

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