Anyway I don't want to be accused of starting drama. I don't want to be assaulted, and I don't want to be a problem! So I leave and the men assume I'm tired or dull or maybe they don't care bc without me, they don't have to confront the creeps, they can claim ignorance and buy the bar another round.

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The good men, the friends and lovers even, say to me later "well why didn't you just tell that creep off" as though I wouldn't be accused of starting shit, as though they'd stand up for me and not interrogate me to make the creep comfortable instead. Experience tells me most men will do the latter.

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The next day I hear about what happened later, the wild experiences, strengthened bonds or odd opportunities all of which I would have loved to have been part of! But I left, bc for me, leaving was the smart choice, the safe one. But saying why I left makes the men roll their eyes; nothing happened!

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It happens so often it can be hard to even see. Men having the same experience I am, but I hit a place where the attention becomes unpleasant. Inuendos start. I have to wiggle out of something I did not start (cautiously! trying not to upset any dangerous egos!) so I leave, while the men get to stay

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Yes every woman has been harassed, many assaulted. But every woman has also experienced invisible loss from moments she avoided harassment. She felt a space becoming unsafe, so she left, while men stayed on. And in leaving, she lost: opportunities, experiences, learning, promotions, even simply fun.

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