KINDLY FARMER: Come on inside, Dick. Martha has a hot plate for you. DON DRAPER: (shoveling a pile of manure) Thanks, Hank. You've taught me something important about the human condition. [later] BUCKTOOTHED RUBE ON TV: Dove soap can even wash the shit off my stupid country ass FARMER: what the hell

Show Post

GENIE: So, and I really never do this, but I just want to clarify: you want to use your three wishes to make sure you never have to wash a colander, cheese grater, or a whisk for the rest of your life. ME: That’s correct.

Show Post

Hey guys what's up, today we're loosing the blood-dimmed tide, but first a big shout-out to our sponsor Raycon. If the falcon had the Everyday Bluetooth Wireless Earbuds, he would have been able to hear the falconer no problem

Show Post

If a talking plant demanded I feed it human blood and told me it would make my dreams come true I would simply not listen to it. I am a divine ape and it is an abomination before god

Show Post

When I reflexively open Twitter every morning

Show Post