yeah like i'm going to the mayo clinic... right after i go to the mustard dealership and the relish agency. get real

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Haha the jokes on you i'm not bitter just incredibly immature and vengeful

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SORRY I WOKE UP FEELING ELEGIAC TODAY I GET THAT WAY WHEN THE CICADAS START SINGING

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PROSTITUTE: (coyly) is this your first time? NIETZSCHE: *flicking cigarette* probably not

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Her: How do you feel about legalizing marijuana? Me: I’m ambidextrous about it. Her: Um, I think you meant to use a different word. Me [𝘢 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥]: If you say so.

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