My man looks like he's prosecuting Nandor before the Vampiric Council

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“Fuck you and the horse you rode in on” ~the FBI, apparently

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[watching someone have a meltdown in a Dick’s sporting goods store] me: jesus christ. get a grip

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A niche delivery service that promises you cookies inside 15 minutes. Yeah. Call it Oreo Speedwagon.

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getting a vanity license plate that says ‘NOTSOFAST’ and driving 5 below the limit everywhere just to really piss people off

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