Mrs Crevatte: Here, put this in your mouth. It's a freshly cut twig from a horse chestnut tree that hasn't borne any conkers for three seasons. Watch that leaf. If that withers and dies you'll follow it within the week! #TheCold

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subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz360bs

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Sid? Murder me? Absurd! What are the facts? Sid has set his heart on a fish and chip shop. He's asked me if I will lend him the money. I have refused and he's reading about perfect murders. Do you really think that is enough evidence? Well it's good enough for me mate, I'm off?

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Woke up naturally at 7am (eg. without child "assistance") and as soon as I stepped outside the bedroom, my 7 year old bounded over, in full school uniform, to proudly tell me he'd brushed his teeth, had breakfast and packed his school bag. He was even wearing his shoes. Is this heaven? Did I die?

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Do you have a copy of Bank Job.... by Liz Truss.

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