I'm sorry, Hortense, but mama is upset as she's just discovered that I simply can't be your father. Remember the old war wound I told you about? How do you think I have felt all these years?!

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But we've only got a couple of weeks before the government bans this sort of thing. #GirlsOwnCC

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“Yes, Alice, I will dance with both of you. It would be rude to say I expect recompense. Oh dear, I just said it!”

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"How happy could I be with either, were t'other dear charmer away" #GirlsOwnCC

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Be careful what you say, Gerald. Grandma can be very quick with her new electric cattle prod! #GirlsOwnCC

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