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In a perfect world, I’d have a hemp farm on the back 40 to feed my paper mill which would help my state-of-the-art printing press produce cheap, environmentally friendly books that last 50 times longer than traditional paper and are also resistant to sun damage and tearing. Thanks for asking, x

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Sheepishly taking off my party hat

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If I could fuck myself we wouldn’t be in this situation now, would we?

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I don't celebrate but I will fuck myself anyway

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