Philadelphia 76ers best player: embiid! lebron! brown! maxey! honestly, at this stage of everyone's careers, I might hand it to maxey. fun player: vj edgecombe, who looked super fun as a rookie and then got buried on a loaded roster. butt: not butt. but it would be so funny if they were butt.

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Orlando Magic best player: Paolo Banchero. the future of the Magic depends on whether he actually, for real, becomes a star rather than a guy with potential. fun player: pick a huge guy! this whole team is huge! it's fun! I like franz wagner if he can stay healthy. butt: probably not butt!

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Oklahoma City Thunder best player: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, reigning 2-time MVP and the best midrange scorer since Michael Jordan. he is terrifying. fun player: Aday Mara, who is 7'3" and looks ready to be good immediately. sam presti must be stopped. butt: you know the answer to this. not butt.

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Los Angeles Lakers best player: Luka Dončić, who will put up “wait WHAT” box scores on a nightly basis and finish top 3 in MVP voting fun player: Walker Kessler, who the Lakers paid a huge heap of draft capital for to shore up their defense and catch lobs from Luka butt: not butt. sigh.

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Memphis Grizzlies best player: Ty Jerome, a per-minute demon who finally gets to run an offense. could be top pick Carlos Boozer, who looks great already. fun player: Zach Edey. the track record of really big dudes with foot injuries is Not Great. but look at him! he’s so big! butt: butt, but fun

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