The Sorting Hat is very philosemitic for a talking piece of clothing from the 11th century and thus sorts Jewish wizards into all four houses equally for reasons that we today would consider shockingly racist.

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The first Jewish student at Magic U. is immediately invited to join the evil fraternal society because they’ve heard about the horns and the blood sacrifice and that sounds great, your people are always welcome here!

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“This man is a descendant of griots and wonderworkers stretching back millennia, whereas I believe your ancestors were inbred degenerates with as much magic as they had culture”

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when that 80-year-old calls 911 because they're having a stroke and gets no answer because the county laid off all the dispatchers, and there are no ambulances to send anyway because there's no revenue to pay for the EMTs who would staff them, maybe they'll regret cheaping out on their tax bill.

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so happy is carrie is going to prom, she really needed this win

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