For work I visit shopping centres around the country. I often need a way to pass time so I have taken to visiting men's clothes shops and pulling down the back of the pants on the underwear mannequins so you can see their plastic bums. Good to have a hobby.

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A powerful woman at my work has wronged me. I can't do much about it, but I can make sure she's the very last email address I put into every mail or meeting invite, after everyone else of any level. I know she'll clock it but would sound insane to bring it up.

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On holiday in Spain recently, quite a nice hotel. I'd swim in the pool in the afternoon then tell my husband I was going back to the room to shower. Our bathroom had a fabulously versatile & effective bidet where I nearly power-hosed off my clitoris during those two weeks.

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I've started washing my car in the late evening instead of the day. Because if I have to hear one more "you can do mine next! Hahahahahaha!" I will drown someone in the fucking bucket.

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Father to identical twin sons. Always had trouble telling them apart but I could play it off as being silly when they were small. All their teen years one's had far worse acne, but now it's finally clearing up and I'm terrified I won't be able to tell them apart again.

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