Just applied to be a poll worker for Election Day. I know they’re planning to invalidate votes. And threaten ppl. Gonna put my Spanish skills to use and try to help the elderly. Just doing my part to try to help keep this damn country from eating itself alive.

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Went to a funeral yesterday. At the reception, we ran out of food. The family of the deceased didn't really get anything to eat, as they arrived later. My husband, completely unprompted, left the reception, picked up a ton of food, and brought it back. It was nice to know the family would get to eat

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This chef on TV just said, "Where there's fat, there's flavor." I know he means food, but I still took it as a compliment.

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“Would you like to round up for charity?” Ma’am, I am currently purchasing frozen burritos with a coupon. Read the room.

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I’ve done 3 loads of laundry and folded and put them away as soon as they came out of the dryer. Please clap.

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