Happy Kirkversary to all who celebrate

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(4/4) "Wait. You're saying the only way you can do good is by committing atrocities so people will beat you up?" "Just so." "That sounds like one heck of a perverse incentive." "I'm evil. All my incentives are perverse."

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(3/4) "So, like, if I punched you in the face right now, that would be good?" "Not with the knowledge you now possess, I'm afraid. If you do it because I asked you to, the act remains the fruit of the poisoned tree. You'd have to choose to do it without my prompting."

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(2/4) "Then what's the point of this? It sounds like you could do just as much harm staying home." "Ah, there's the trick. Just as all I do is by definition evil, all things done AGAINST me are by definition good. Any harm done to me makes the world a better place, even if it seems it shouldn't."

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"Can't you just... NOT do evil things?" "I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. I'm ontologically evil – which is to say, I'm made of evil substance. My intentions don't matter; everything I do is evil by definition. Were I to pet a kitten, causality would conspire to wound the world thereby." (1/4)

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