i have steam behind me in a way that ive been looking for all my life. maybe i didn’t need to focus in on a form, maybe i needed to focus in on getting myself straight

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i’m still wandering towards a point. idk. right now i feel like im on the crest of some shit really clicking. Rest clicked for me the way a project never really has. that thing fell out of me and then i blinked and i have a bunch of irons in the fire and all of them are insanely exciting.

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like if you are so helplessly convinced you are an irredeemably bad person for being alive/no apparent reason I’m going to start assume there actually is a reason & I’m not sticking around to find out what it is.

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well hopefully I’ve learned my lesson bc not to be flippant but now if someone hasn’t figured out how they’re gonna relate to the experience of shame by age 30 I’m gonna be like “oh shit, you say you’re a BAD person?? here is the link to psychology today. wishing you the best!!!!”

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have had such an aversion to parenthood & although that’s been a lifelong thing I also wonder (again, sorry for being sanctimonious) if there’s a part of me that just . . . really rejected the idea of further dehumanization/repression that so often comes with the role

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