i think the next time i draw i will draw dymond getting his shit broken in while he drools with heart spirals in his eyes

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and it makes me sad thinking about what i could possibly be doing and making if i spent my time getting better at the things i love doing

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i'm glad whenever people prove me wrong but.. it's still the default into how people engage with me and especially how people used to engage with me back when i primarily made vrc content

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i certainly don't expect more from anyone either. it's a combination of a lot of things, primarily my self isolation on top of the fact that i can barely push myself past these feelings for 15 mins without violently slamming back into regressive behaviors from just thinking i can ignore my problems

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i wish i was in an environment where i didn't have to try so hard to have the things i like doing feel worth doing. art, modelling, whatever. this isn't an accusation of anyone but it kinda feels like i have to pressure people into engaging with my stuff (i don't ever follow up on this feeling!)

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