i’ve been spending my time going back to watch recent onion ONNs and rewatched this one and forgot how fucking funny this one is

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Trump Invites Jeffrey Epstein On Stage To Explain There No Conspiracy

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There it is. Republicans just BLOCKED the release of the Epstein Files.

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BlueSky: tell me your food crimes for example, I eat string cheese by just biting right into the stick

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I grew up in a small rural town believing I had to choose between transitioning and being loved. I waited until I was sure I’d rather be alone than stay closeted. Next month, I’m marrying the love of my life. It really does get better.

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