As a longtime alcoholic and addict it offends me deeply that I haven't been nominated for Secretary of Defense. What the hell, man.

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Counterpoint: Do

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Why are taxpayers subsidizing stadiums with billions of dollars only to hand out $750 million to a single player? Hello 👋 DOGE committee.

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From now on, when they go low, I’m going subterranean.

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Twitter is so terrible now but some memories hold a soft spot in my heart, like that one time some right-wing douchebag asked Richard Marx who he even is and Marx responded "I wrote the music your parents fucked to." Ahhh, memories.

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