a woman i’ve never spoken to in my life greeted me at the front of the restaurant and said oh yeah you get the two steak tartares. i’m the raw beef girl. they’re talking about me.

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my husband’s boss should let him come home when i’m bored

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The best part of having a wife is that there's someone in your house that you can do really terrible bits at whenever you want

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I am not remotely a lawyer, but I think if you agree to review a manuscript for a press and then feed that manuscript into AI without the permission of the author, the author should be allowed to sue you into poverty.

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my nephew lost 2 teeth falling off his trike but is too little to have new teeth yet so hes just going around looking like the world's tiniest hockey enforcer

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