(old man voice) back in my day we spelled Dangan Ronpa with a space!!

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It makes my relationship with forcefem Complicated because I both yearn for it as the "recognition of hidden feminity (positive)" but I Literally Got Forcefemmed As A Child for the purposes of making feminity feel like a hot stove. Explicitly to say "see? it's awful. Now stay away from it, freak."

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It's fuckin' obvious why I'm into kinks the way I am when my outlook on sex was carved into me as "extractive, destructive, cruel, and contemptuous. Not even performed for physical pleasure, but the emotional pleasure of making someone Less Than You. Putting them in their place."

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I have a weird back and forth approach of like, putting on the halloween mask of creepy female sex pest drooling over men who "are like women to me" in a way that just mirrors what happened to me, but replacing contempt and mocking laughter with desire.

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Thinking about inciting events, sexuality, etc and how warped my approach to intimacy and gender is from just. The simple reality that the first erotic encounter I had was "as a boy" but being violently forced into the costume of feminity and taken, explicitly as a corrective punishment

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