48 years old. Did OK in the city. House, car, place abroad etc. Outwardly perfect life. Truly miserable 90% of the time. Only ever happy when I'm sat on the sofa, just me and the dog - sharing cheesestrings and watching TOTP2 on YouTube.

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Probably more enjoyable than the cricket Hampshire were dishing up this season

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After hearing about the bloke who parked in every bay at Lidl I resolved to use every urinal at the Utilita Bowl during the cricket season. On the last day in September I think I finished the task but I didn't log it all in an excel so I'll never really know.

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Cause im a fat bastard with type 2 diabetes and one of those could finish me off, oh go on then if you’re offering!

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No, I don’t want a sweet or to get in your car to see your new puppies either.

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