We said goodbye to this guy today. His name was Albee. He made it a few days shy of 17 years old. I posted this the day we found out it was his time. We gave him a great weekend of treats, grass lawns, and chicken. He was a gift. He lived a great life. I will miss him forever. Forever.

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[posting at 3pm on a Monday] You *know* Joe Camel eats pussy like crazy [noticing that a critic I respect follows me] which really I think that religious poets like Mary Karr and Dana Gioia and Emily Dickinson would vibe with

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My Atlantic article is sure to be a hit. I’ll explain how Abdul El-Sayed can easily dodge these recent attacks by converting to Christianity, visiting Israel to apologise and go to jail, and dropping out of the senate race. It’s the perfect plan to win the losing campaign he is currently winning

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Kid: How many turkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb Me: I don't know Kid: No thumbs. It's never happening. Me: What kind of joke is that? Kid: Who said anything about a joke

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Or we can just skip forward to inflicting brutal legal consequences on every single person involved in this obvious scam that will absolutely kill people.

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