I am building an essential 90,000 square foot ballroom and soliciting billion dollar membership fees for my new alternative UN while I shake down Venezuela for cash I will hide in Qatar and I am debating whether I should collapse NATO by stealing the world’s biggest island.

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"a lot of people are posting about the bus kidnapping story, surely it can't be that bonkers" my friends this is an actual odyssey

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"I am going to invade a different country because your country didn't give me a peace prize" Things a healthy person says

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People who don’t believe there is such a thing as societal decline also have to answer why every day you go to the supermarket and more and more perfectly edible and enjoyable cheese is being ruined with pointless bits of dried fruit inside it.

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"Nobody seems to have the cilantro gene in Mexico" yeah because they genetically selected away from it. Because it's a weakness

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