All this sucks because I truly don’t think Geller is a bad person. And I believe somewhere he wants to grow and regrets what he did, unlike so many men who assault. But he’s also shown he was scared of what true accountability would look like and cost him. And he cared about that more.

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That is not accountability nor openness. Do I think he should have opened every esssay with "Hi, I'm an abuser!" No, not so harshly. But he could have mentioned it in any of his personal essays, talked about it, been open about it. But he wasn't and didn't.

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Geller hid that he had done SA because he knew it would make it harder to get the platform he eventually earned (tho given our rape culture he might have earned it anyways and been celebrated for it). Instead he wanted our empathy for how his violence made him feel while hiding what he did.

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I do wonder how many of these people who demand empathy of abusers are the same people who demand, for example, Palestinians must have empathy for colonizers? We constantly demand empathy for those who cause harm while never extending that empathy back.

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I want rehabilitation. But we should not be FORCED to have empathy for those who harm us, and I blame no one who is the victim of violence and abuse for not caring for abusers. I do try, but as MY choice, and only to those who choose to take accountability and put in the work.

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