It’s 9am TFT time here, and citizens are already gathering to protest Tariffs by the United States. Our plain clothes Officer Penguins are attempting to maintain calm, but unfortunately we keep losing them in the crowd.

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We’ve spoken to senior US Officials. They confirmed they’ve tariffed our lovely Islands in order to force us to sell our precious flightless bird eggs to America at discounted rates given egg prices there, and their Health Secretary raving about the benefits of fertilized Penguin eggs and whale skin

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We welcome European support but at this time our Waddles will sink any non-scientific vessel within our Territorial Defense Zone, in accordance with our Antarctic Treaty of 1959. We reserve the right to change this policy if American Dear Leader renegotiates his unfair Tariff practices.

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News just in: Swedish fashion retailer H&M is considering moving to Heard Island and McDonald Islands to take advantage of lower tariffs and the .hm domain. Insiders say this may outweigh higher shipping costs and manufacturing near an active volcano. @heardislandgov.bsky.social is yet to comment.

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