I've always had a bit of a problem with being slightly too honest and commenting on things I shouldn't. When I was 23 I told my upstairs neighbour that he consistently came before his wife, which might be why she was pissed off at him. He put in underfloor insulation.

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Suella Braverman’s book barely sold any copies because, as the voice of the silent majority of the country, most people already know and share her views, which is why it’s so important to constantly invite her and her allies on TV, to expand upon their neglected views which everyone already shares.

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So when Frasier sings that Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs song at the end of Frasier is that about actual food or is he licking hole, I only ask this because at the end he goes “scrambled eggs all over my face!” and I’ve never seen a grown man have an issue with that

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She’s reading her address aloud in a crowded bus. Madam please

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As a society, we have forgotten that the phone still works when you hold it up to your ear

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