Dad has been in hospital for a few weeks. No access to GB News. It has been very refreshing being able to have a normal conversation with him again, not one mention of immigrants or liberals.

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I've started using a single implement to eat every meal. It's a soup spoon. I love it. There's no meal I don't eat with it. Even a chippy tea. My wife has stopped going out to restaurants with me, and she's threatening that family events are next off the list, unless I change.

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Farting in a jacuzzi is the perfect crime.

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Cafes that put food on napkins are an abomination. They render the napkin useless and you end up with paper in the food. Yes, I am in a cafe with napkin remnants stuck to a panini.

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Now that we've all got over the initial outrage and got used to them, I think we can all agree that plastic bottles having the lids attached is a genius idea. No dropped lids, easier to recycle and always able to reseal the bottle. Brilliant.

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