Someone drew the plans for their dream house aged 9¾ and never deviated.

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Probably my dumbest, most persistent regret of the past few years is not adding Sisqó’s Unleash the Dragon to an edit of that Thrones scene where Daenerys indiscriminately blankets King’s Landing with dragon fire. A perfect needle drop, never realized.

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Among the lost positives consigned to the dusty corners of the dictionary is ‘reck’, meaning ‘care’, ‘heed’, and ‘consideration’. Which means we can be reckful instead of reckless (and feckful, gormful, ruthful, ept, kempt, couth, consolate, and many more).

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A haunted charlatan with cold black eyes dripping poison into the ear of a monarch is a tale as old as time. In 2025, however, we’ve replaced Rasputin’s menacing charisma with an effete, deadbeat Boer whose temperament is redolent of a middle school boy terrified to remove his shirt at a pool party.

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At Intercourse University we used to derisively laugh at the Fuck State kids and turn up our noses at them. I understand now that that was privileged, elitist and wrong.

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