and, not to mention that its been pissing me off that i dont know who i am. ive been acting so differently. with the people i care about im all "mr nice guy," yet with those i care less about ive been acting rash, childish, rude, and all this other bullshit. who the fuck am i?? why am i so two faced

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i cant even be upset. for the past two days ive been putting on a smile for everyone that i care about and prioritizing their problems over mine, helping them sort their shit out and letting them express their emotions, as if i haven't been lying to them behind their backs

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i didn't even want to talk. i was pissed off the entire day. i cant even give a number of how many times i thought of the two words "kill yourself" in the past two days while thinking of people that were getting on my nerves.

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all she really does care about is what people think of her. even the woman she calls her daughter, my sister and my best friend, she still controls herself around her. but she can't even bother when nobody is around.

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the only reason that mom has been chill these past few days is because our friend has been over.

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