okay senator lets just help you into the hotdog costume

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You can't parody Republican governance better than this. Kids won't have health care, education, or career opportunities, but my biggest campaign donor will give them magic beans that may be worth dozens of dollars

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Our highest-graded college football defenses this season: LSU: 99.9 Tennessee: 96.2 New Mexico: 95.6 Oklahoma: 95.5 Nebraska: 95.0 UCLA: 95.0 Miami (FL): 94.0 Indiana: 93.1 Texas: 92.9 Baylor: 92.2 TCU: 91.5 Ohio State: 91.5 North Dakota State: 91.0 Georgia: 90.8 Pittsburgh: 90.8 Oregon: 90.3

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Our highest-graded college football offenses this season: #Houston: 95.6 #Miami (FL): 94.2 #Georgia: 92.2 #OregonState: 91.2 #NotreDame: 90.6 #LSU: 89.5 #OhioState: 89.3 #JMU: 89.0 #Indiana: 88.7 #Army: 88.3 #Louisville: 88.2 #USC: 88.2 #TexasState: 88.2 #NorthTexas: 88.1 #WakeForest: 87.2

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Pete Hegseth wasn't allowed to perform a cold-blooded execution live on the Internet. So I did it for him

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