The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. Paul Valéry

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Logically this is a terrible habit of mind I should probably unlearn and a particularly useless and constraining way to think, but I fear I find this specific misery also kind of romantic, so I may be doomed to it. Maybe at some level I'm just looking for a safe irritant to nacre around

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On days I feel especially creaky and mortal I do gloomy maths of how long I can expect to work and how fast I can write a book, and therefore how many books I can reasonably expect to publish in my career, which is basically the space I'd have to do everything I want to do, and it's never enough.

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Tbh what really gives me envy isn't about the bestseller lists—that stuff might as well be happening on Mars as far as I'm concerned—but seeing writers my age who already have several dozen books published. I know, I know you can start at any age yadda yadda but man sometimes I wish

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And I'm reasonably optimistic that, while not certainly wowing anybody at the publisher's bean-counting department, this should be more than enough to let me continue publishing books, which is the main thing imo.

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