48 years old. Did OK in the city. House, car, place abroad etc. Outwardly perfect life. Truly miserable 90% of the time. Only ever happy when I'm sat on the sofa, just me and the dog - sharing cheesestrings and watching TOTP2 on YouTube.

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There's a reason we have laws that prevent husbands and fathers from just hanging dodgy cunts who we think are almost certainly guilty of interfering with our daughters. It's called civilisation. And, painful as it to admit, those laws are important.

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Pissing off the top of a cliff, into a fjord, is one of the most exhilarating things you can do with most of your clothes on. When you realise that you're being watched from the other side of the fjord it becomes even more exhilarating. Fortunately, we never met them.

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If you imagine a 60s Bond villain, then look at Elon (a sort of cross between Christopher Walken and Donald Pleasence)….you see fantasy becoming reality. Sean may be getting on a bit, but Daniel could be brought out of retirement to do the necessary…

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Producer: “Who can we get to represent the views of voters in struggling working class towns?” Researcher: “How about a London born privately educated banjo player who is the son of the billionaire who owns GB News?” Producer: “Perfect!”

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