If ever a game played out exactly as you expected, it’s Nottingham Forest against Arsenal. Arsenal probably win 1-0. Maybe Forest do. But it won’t be fun for anybody.

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this half is what baseball looks like to people who hate baseball

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For years a Soviet man walks past the newsstand, picks up Pravda, scans the front page, and puts it back. One day the newsagent finally asks him, comrade, what are you looking for? “The obituaries.” He gently says, my good comrade, those are not on the front page. “The one I’m interested in is.”

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Since there’s an opening for press secretary, I know a great candidate who’s not only a lawyer, but a neurosurgeon, a Grammy-winning recording artist, and the inventor of the Post-It Note.

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it's just so ridiculous that no one in the actual executive class of any football club ever has to talk to the press and so the coach is out there fielding questions about layoffs

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