One thing I wish my rejection-sensitive aas could internalize better.

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I know full well I’ll likely have to live with the cold shoulder forever. I don’t agree with that choice, but I do have to respect it. February is just when coping with those feelings becomes the hardest. I’ll survive, especially if I let myself feel these things safely rather than bottling them.

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Idk. I can’t force change—trying to do so is what landed me in this mess to begin with, but there’s also no such thing as moving on. No final time I’ll think about what happened save my final moments. I just wish you’d choose differently than how you have been choosing when those thoughts strike you

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I’ve mended those broken bonds with others, and yeah they didn’t return to how things were before—in a lot of ways that’s a good thing. It was scary, it involved some relapsing into old habits, but I think in the end it became a much healthier and more fulfilling friendship than it was before.

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What sucks most is knowing that pain is a call from your psyche to mend that rift, and that keeping it open and spewing out hurt is as much a choice as reaching out is. But because it’s a mutual choice, I just have to live with that damage in the back of my head from someone who chooses not to mend.

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