Five days later, my seven-year-old is home from the hospital, so if you need me I’ll be over here tearing up with relief.

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it must really suck to be Wile E. Coyote’s mailman

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If you’re stuck on a call, switch your phone to airplane mode. It’ll show up as call failed instead of call ended.

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Pro travel tip: check passport expiration dates earlier than the day you are traveling.

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I once got stuck in the Caribbean because I idiotically hadn't realized my passport expired during my trip. My bosses did not believe a word of it.

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