After hearing about the bloke who parked in every bay at Lidl I resolved to use every urinal at the Utilita Bowl during the cricket season. On the last day in September I think I finished the task but I didn't log it all in an excel so I'll never really know.

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When I was about nine or ten, I took a pebble home from a beach in Dorset. Shortly after, I saw in the news that people in Italy were angry about tourists taking stones from their monuments. I spent my childhood in fear the police were going to arrest me for stealing a pebble.

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I have had a wank in 5 of the tallest buildings in London, close to completing my seven summits.

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Partner was surprised but pleased at my efforts to deep clean the dishwasher on Saturday morning. I did not explain it was because I drunkenly put a load of laundry in it the night before.

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I manoeuvred someone who worked for me down the redundancy route, as he often wrote "would/could/should of" in reports and emails. Got him out with under two years' service too, so no redundancy cost either. Should of done it even sooner.

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