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TONY: Hey, buddy…! Listen, I heard about the casting snafu and I was telling everyone, don’t worry, my man Scream 7 GOT this, right? TONY: (shakes head) What happened, man? TONY: I mean this franchise is like, BUILT on false clues and red herrings, yeah? TONY: Did a Magic 8-Ball right this?

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And now Tony, you remember Tony from film school, right, plot for Scream 7? And now he’s in Vancouver making critically acclaimed indie film? Well, he insisted on coming. He’s worried about you. We’re ALL worried about you. Tony…?

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DAPHNE: Scream 7. Screamy. Double Scream Seven. DAPHNE: (giggles uncomfortably through tears). DAPHNE: Remember when we were just kids, and so excited there was going to be a new Scream movie? We were just kids, what did we know? DAPHNE: Then I saw the movie. DAPHNE: YOU BROKE MY HEART!

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Dear Scream 7. Sit down, please. Know that we all are here because we care about you and are worried for you. Scream 7, buddy, our dear friend… Your plot makes zero sense. This is an intervention. I’m giving the floor to Daphne, she is going to tell how your plot has affected her. Daphne?

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