How about you do some work on the queer spaces in your city, given that those are the ones that actually can meet your needs. This can't, it can only be splintered into something worse for everyone.

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Women's spaces are going to be created no matter what you do. We're SO lucky to have a version of that in Germany that makes such efforts to include trans, nb, inter, and agender people so long as they have that shared interest and perspective on organising. Not everywhere has that.

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I have no interest in telling you not to come. I don't think that's what you need, let alone how against that kind of policing I am. I think you need to work that out for yourself. The answer isn't trying to stop the FLINTA kink party, because the inclusive lesbian kink party is a good thing.

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And you are standing in the corner as you realise nobody is interested in you (despite you being good looking!) and every time you try to dance with someone you get rejected until you get desperate, drunk, rejected and stupid enough to end up getting rightly thrown out for harassing others.

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Ultimately, this is what drives this handwringing. The idea that a FLINTA kink party (to use that specific example), that functions as a lesbian kink party, should centre and allow men, cis and trans, or risk making someone feel unincluded. But the rest of us, we're there for the lesbian kink party.

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