You know, it’s not like I’m half-assing this, I am actually trying my best despite the fuck-ups.

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The dog park song from the pet insurance commercial does not have to genuinely slap, and yet.

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This year, I am handing out candy dressed as a “guy who is making stew and you are interrupting him when you ring the doorbell”

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I have a couple of cross stitch kits waiting for me in the mail (a Christmas kit and a Jupiter kit) and I'm so excited to just...not do anything this weekend except stab a piece of fabric a million times.

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Whenever I hear a celebrity do a commercial for AI I immediately lose all respect and interest in them. Didn't you have enough money? You really had to do THAT?

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