If you want an indication as to the absolute state of the justice system, a straightforward case of assault occasioning ABH, a relatively minor charge, has been listed for June 2028 (twenty-eight). Two and a half years from offence to trial.

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I have told her that I'm keeping the jumper so the box has to go to recycling. She's not very pleased.

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Oh no, sending best wishes to Michael Palin - this sounds like the kind of fall that's pretty hard going when you're in your eighties. Hope he's doing OK.

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I take every chance I get to make fun of the Telegraph, but credit where it's due.

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You’d think I would know.

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