I wish my friend Rube would stop messaging me when he's drunk :/

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Sir Patrick Stewart probably doesn’t remember, but one time my wife and I sat 1 row in front of him on a southwest flight from ORD->BUR. The best part though was since BUR is so small we got to the curb at the same time and his driver was like “do you have any bags?” And he said “I am as I stand.”

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they’re cloning me. they’re cloning me and storing me for later

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Excited for the part of today where I become Someone Else's Problem

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OBAMA AT RALLY: The president doesn't believe in the bond between a trainer and his Pokemon. He doesn't believe in the incredible power of friendship. TRUMP AT SIMULTANEOUS RALLY: I'm giving my Bulbasaur................. 👐 a KNIFE o.k.?

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